The Journey Begins

About Ashley. My Everything.

Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom, sama hebatnya!

Pas baca status FB nya  Ariany, jadi keinget pengen share artikel ini..

Intinya, kita sebagai wanita , beruntung bisa punya pilihan dalam hidup ini. Mau memilih jadi dokter, arsitek,  wanita kantoran ataupun ibu rumah tangga.  Pilihan kita adalah yang terbaik buat keluarga, jadi no one can judge it.  Selama kita happy dengan pilihan itu, maka jalani lah dengan sepenuh hati. Jangan pernah merendahkan pilihan orang lain atau merasa lebih hebat dari orang lain.  Kalau semua bisa belajar menghargai dan menghormati, pasti kedepannya engga ada lagi kelompok working mom ataupun kelompok full time mom, yang selama ini terkesan berbeda kubu. Kedepannya, kita semua sama, just a mom, who will try to do and give our best to our family, to our love ones.


Dear Stay-At-Home Mum

Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I’m a mum and for a while I did it too. 

I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn’t even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.

I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don’t get any down time when you’re on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.

I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle – you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.

I know you fantasise about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it’s all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears. 

I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.

I just wanted you to know that I understand. We’re both mothers. And I know.

Love from the trenches

Working Mum


Dear Working Mum

I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don’t love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it’s best for children to be at home with their mothers.

How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.

I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You’re my child’s allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You’re the physiotherapist who treated my husband’s back. You’re the accountant who does our tax returns. My son’s primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter’s gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn’t been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother’s place had to be in the home?

I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.

I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can’t bring yourself to take a “day off” for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your “time off” for now. I know that when you are at work you don’t waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don’t go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.

I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.

I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we’re both mothers.

Love from the trenches

Stay-At-Home Mum

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13 responses to “Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom, sama hebatnya!

  1. Clarissa Mey September 9, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    semua anak pasti sayang dan bangga kok sama mamanya, mau yg kerja diluar ataupun yg ibu rumah tangga dirumah 🙂

  2. ashleyprincess September 9, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    betul!! dan semua mama pasti sayang sama anaknya, apapun pilihannya, bekerja ataupun dirumah 🙂

  3. Mamana Clo September 9, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    Seringkali yang menghakimi itu bukan orang di sekitar kita tapi justru diri sendiri ya…
    Sama satu lagi, rumput tetangga selalu lebih hijau hahhaa…

  4. angelainge September 9, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    Terharu bacanya….! Kadang yang namanya manusia masih suka kena dilema “rumput tetangga lebih hijau dari rumput sendiri” . Kalo udah gitu langsung deh mikir… aduhh enak kali yaa kalo masih kerja pake baju kantoran, tas keren, tenteng gadget keren gak dirumah dengan pakaian kucel , baju bau masakan, rambut kuncir satu gak jelas. Tapi kalo denger si anak bilang, masakan mama enak loh… besok masak ini lagi yaa…. ! Kayaknya dah kebayar semua deh capenya… tiba – tiba kaya seger lagi, bayangan wanita karier yang keren pergi ke kantor juga tiba – tiba jadi hilang gak jelas. Yang jelas apapun pilihannya, kita tetap menjadi seorang mommy yang akan selalu dicari anak- anak kita untuk berlindung, bercerita or sekadar untuk mendapatkan pelukan ^_^

    • ashleyprincess September 10, 2014 at 7:42 am

      betull.. kadang kita sendiri yang masih suka ngiri ama rumput tetangga yah 🙂 *belajar instropeksi* anyway, yg penting apapun pilihan kita, suami en anak2 happy .. karena senyuman mereka yang terpenting kan 🙂

  5. jblily September 9, 2014 at 5:19 pm

    Holaaaaa cce apa kabar? Ud 3 taun ya d bali? G kerasa hahahaha
    Baca post cc yg ini mewek aku..
    Ak stay at home mom tapi ol bussiness.
    Yaa emang bener ssii kadang ngrasa g dihargai ya.. tapi tiap malem ngeliat anak suami bbu nyenyak. Rmh bersih. More than enough. Pujian itu bonusnya.. hahaha.

    Btw skalian comment dsni aja ya.. kalo rmh bali mau dikontrakin, dikontrakin brp? Sapa tau cocok ama eike 😀

    • ashleyprincess September 10, 2014 at 7:40 am

      haiiii apa kabar juga nih?? iya ga berasa ud lama di bali, en so far so good, thanks God:) iya semua pilihan pasti kan ada plus minusnya, tinggal bagaimana kita menghadapinya, stay fokus dan bersyukur sama hal2 plus nya, dan belajar untuk menerima minus nya.. Rumah nya belum kelar, kalo minat coba di broswing dulu, karena lokasinya lumayan jauh di goa gong, jimbaran bukit .. kata orang bali, jimbaran itu jauh hahaha. coba aja liat dulu, nama perumahannya beranda bukit.. harga mah cincay gampang 🙂 take care ya.. update dong blognya..

  6. Felicia September 10, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    Mommy war emang ga abis2 yah….hehe…yang penting kita dan pasangan udah sejalan, yang lain cuekin aja. Kadang bukan cuma ini doank, tapi mulai dari lahiran normal vs cs, asi vs sufor, dkk ga abis2 deh kalo diturutin 😀

    • ashleyprincess September 11, 2014 at 8:38 am

      hahah betul banget fel.. dulu gw dibully banget krn ga full asi *mewek* yah yg penting udah berusaha ya, yg penting keluarga (terutama suami en anak) juga happy, jd enjoy aja sama pilihan kita 🙂

      • jblily September 14, 2014 at 10:25 am

        Uda ceebaru tak update 😀 kemalasan menerpa ku menjelang ultahpertama anakku wkwkw.
        Lebih asi, hunting baju dll darioada update blog hahaha
        Waaah iya sih. Kalo goa gong jauh. Ak pikir masih eeputaran jiimbaran kota nya..
        Tapi its finece, bentar lagi juga denpasar ama jimbaran penuh. Orang2 pasti pada pindah sana:D

  7. elrica September 22, 2014 at 12:23 am

    aku bacanya sampe berlinang aer mata..entah kenapa…

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